You are standing in a bedroom. You are tired as shit. In front of you is a BED, behind you is a DOOR, nearby is a WINDOW.
>look door
You're fucking tired, go to bed.
>look window
I said you're fucking tired, godamn.
>use bed
You stretch out and pull back your covers, wiping off the cat vomit. You pull up the covers and turn on a side, thinking about what you are going to do tomorrow. Same shit, different day.
You begin to doze off, dreams of sweet ass cheeks floating into your little head. All of the sudden the door explodes. Crab Nicholson emerges!
"ARE YOU READY FOR THAT SLEEPOVER NIGGER? FUCK YEAH YOU ARE!"
Nicholson hoists you up with his massive claws and whisks you away.
Friday, November 14, 2008
The Lair
[General consensus is that this puzzle requires too much googling and should be put in later, so moving along.]
>turn knobs
The door opens, and out pour lovely rainbows. Beautiful colors spread all over your body, drowning you deeply in ecstasy. The blues and oranges and ohhhhh it's like cumming all over! DragonForce is blaring across the hallway. The LAIR OF EXTREME AWESOMENESS is now open to you.
>enter LAIR OF EXTREME AWESOMENESS
You walk slowly through the door, bathed in all the wonderful colors. Crab Nicholson follows, shutting the door behind him. On the floor is a BOTTLE, an ATARI 2600, a BOX OF DVDS, a BAG OF CHIPS, and A BLOWUP DOLL.
>look atari 2600
You turn 2600 degrees and vomit violently.
>turn knobs
The door opens, and out pour lovely rainbows. Beautiful colors spread all over your body, drowning you deeply in ecstasy. The blues and oranges and ohhhhh it's like cumming all over! DragonForce is blaring across the hallway. The LAIR OF EXTREME AWESOMENESS is now open to you.
>enter LAIR OF EXTREME AWESOMENESS
You walk slowly through the door, bathed in all the wonderful colors. Crab Nicholson follows, shutting the door behind him. On the floor is a BOTTLE, an ATARI 2600, a BOX OF DVDS, a BAG OF CHIPS, and A BLOWUP DOLL.
>look atari 2600
You turn 2600 degrees and vomit violently.
Into the lair
Nicholson waves his claw. "Come with me."
He leads you to a DOOR. On the DOOR is a series of KNOBS. Nicholson tells you to OPEN the DOOR.
>open door
The door will not open. Maybe it has something to do with the series of KNOBS.
>talk Nicholson
"You want me to open the door? I'm a fucking crab. Look at my godamn claws!"
>look knobs
There are three knobs. One is PINK and labeled "sensory-motor." The second is GREEN and labeled "concrete-operational." The last one is BLUE and labeled "formal operational." Each one has a peculiar keyhole.
>look room
On the floor are several USED JOHNNIES and FABULOUS MITTENS. On the ceiling is a 12-YEAR OLD BOY. He waves to you happily. The walls are lavender, and quite aesthetically pleasing. Behind you on the wall are five KEYS. You can hold only three at once.
>pick up FABULOUS MITTENS
You're going to look AMAAAAZINGGGG!
>use FABULOUS MITTENS on Nicholson
You do not want to use the FABULOUS MITTENS on Crab Nicholson. Do it anyway Y/N
>N
Good decision.
>look KEYS
The KEYS are not colored and have funny ends that do not easily correlate to the KNOBS. Each one has a picture underneath. The pictures, in order, are of a BABY, a SMALL KID, a LARGE KID, a TEENAGER, and SOLID SNAKE.
He leads you to a DOOR. On the DOOR is a series of KNOBS. Nicholson tells you to OPEN the DOOR.
>open door
The door will not open. Maybe it has something to do with the series of KNOBS.
>talk Nicholson
"You want me to open the door? I'm a fucking crab. Look at my godamn claws!"
>look knobs
There are three knobs. One is PINK and labeled "sensory-motor." The second is GREEN and labeled "concrete-operational." The last one is BLUE and labeled "formal operational." Each one has a peculiar keyhole.
>look room
On the floor are several USED JOHNNIES and FABULOUS MITTENS. On the ceiling is a 12-YEAR OLD BOY. He waves to you happily. The walls are lavender, and quite aesthetically pleasing. Behind you on the wall are five KEYS. You can hold only three at once.
>pick up FABULOUS MITTENS
You're going to look AMAAAAZINGGGG!
>use FABULOUS MITTENS on Nicholson
You do not want to use the FABULOUS MITTENS on Crab Nicholson. Do it anyway Y/N
>N
Good decision.
>look KEYS
The KEYS are not colored and have funny ends that do not easily correlate to the KNOBS. Each one has a picture underneath. The pictures, in order, are of a BABY, a SMALL KID, a LARGE KID, a TEENAGER, and SOLID SNAKE.
HERE'S CRABBY!
You are in the bedroom. You see Crab Nicholson. He has no mittens. His claws are menacing. Exits are bathroom, kitchen, living room, and Crab Nicholson's
ULTIMATE LAIR OF AWESOMENESS
What do you do?
>go bathroom
The door is locked. Inside you hear a moaning: "Oh Jesus Christ I'm fapping like the Fist of the North Star!"
>go kitchen
You smell a pot of fondue boiling. On the counter is a delicious cake, and bags upon bags of incredible snacks. Crab Nicholson does not want you to go this way. It is not wise to defy Crab Nicholson.
>go living room
The living room does not want visitors at this time.
>go ultimate lair of awesomeness
'lair of awesomeness' is not nearby.
>go ULTIMATE LAIR OF AWESOMENESS
Now the party's started.
>Fuck Year
THIS PARTY'S GETTING CRAZY...!
ULTIMATE LAIR OF AWESOMENESS
What do you do?
>go bathroom
The door is locked. Inside you hear a moaning: "Oh Jesus Christ I'm fapping like the Fist of the North Star!"
>go kitchen
You smell a pot of fondue boiling. On the counter is a delicious cake, and bags upon bags of incredible snacks. Crab Nicholson does not want you to go this way. It is not wise to defy Crab Nicholson.
>go living room
The living room does not want visitors at this time.
>go ultimate lair of awesomeness
'lair of awesomeness' is not nearby.
>go ULTIMATE LAIR OF AWESOMENESS
Now the party's started.
>Fuck Year
THIS PARTY'S GETTING CRAZY...!
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